


interlude: a meditation on the concept of love

by obstinateRixatrix



Series: Fox out a Forest [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Can be read on its own, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 13:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10832259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obstinateRixatrix/pseuds/obstinateRixatrix
Summary: Yusuke thinks about love. Yusuke buys some lobsters. The two are related, actually.





	interlude: a meditation on the concept of love

**Author's Note:**

> This took so long I swear to god at one point I spent 8 straight hours writing this before passing out. Light spoilers up to the Hawaii trip, light mentions of Yusuke & Futaba's deal.
> 
> was written to be after ch 7, but can be read as a stand alone

Ryuji did not make the best first impression.

Then again, the same can be said about Yusuke himself - his conduct was, in hindsight, rather abhorrent. Elitist, dismissive, and altogether far too arrogant; when Yusuke remembers the person he used to be, he feels tremendous, almost overwhelming relief that he was given the chance to grow beyond that mindset. Even if he dedicated his entire life to it, he would never be able to repay the debt of gratitude owed to the Phantom Thieves - both for saving him from Madarame, and for broadening his horizons.

Still, while Ryuji's involvement in Yusuke's rescue firmly upended the initial image of an artless brute, Ryuji's not content to remain some distant figure of valor. None of the Phantom Thieves are, instead taking pains to fully integrate Yusuke into their group as a peer. It's strange - Yusuke's quite accustomed to going at his own pace regardless of the people around him, but to be allowed to do so with little dissident is a first. Finding people willing to indulge in his whims more often than not is entirely new territory, especially since he does not even have to rely on his artistic reputation.

It's nice.

Of the entire group, Yusuke can say with confidence that he is drawn to Ryuji the most. At first Yusuke thinks it's because of how drastically his expectations were subverted; Ann he'd already held in high esteem, Akira didn't leave much impact at the time, and Morgana was a cat. Even as their group expands, nobody quite reaches the lowest metric of Ryuji's introduction. Makoto- while initially antagonistic- had obviously been determined to do good, and Futaba was far too enigmatic to be discernible.

In summary: of course Ryuji captivates his attention.

It's a good explanation, but it doesn't seem like the right explanation. Another possibility: Ryuji's presence has been significant in multiple instances of personal introspection, often providing an anchor of support when Yusuke had needed one most. This, Yusuke thinks, accounts for why he's been especially fixated on privately cataloguing Ryuji's positive qualities. Ryuji, for all his abrasiveness, is a gentle person. While he is prone to rash decisions and snap judgments that may grate against still-bleeding scars of the heart, he's also quick to rescind, quick to make amends, and quick to offer friendship. Above all, he is quick to invest himself in the well-being of another. It's an admirable trait to have.

The problem with this explanation lies in the fact that after receiving significant assistance from both Ann and Akira, one would expect Yusuke's attention to be focused similarly on them. While he appreciates their support and values their presence in his life, such is not the case.

It's not until their beach trip that Yusuke truly understands. Scanning the surrounding area for an engaging composition as they wait for the girls, there's surprisingly little that jumps out to him. Despite the beautiful day, the picturesque surroundings, nothing sparks his interest until his focus is drawn, as it usually is, to Ryuji.

As he frames the subject of his attention with his hands, it strikes him that Ryuji is beautiful.

In truth, all of the Phantom Thieves have some element of a pure beauty, a certain resolve, a selfless chivalry, yet somehow this realization feels especially poignant. It wasn't that anything had changed about Ryuji; in truth, Yusuke is certain that he had become accustomed to this preexisting beauty without full awareness. Somewhere during the course of their relationship, it must have been Yusuke who changed.

Yusuke is no stranger to passion. The arresting sight of a pleasant slope of trees, the splendor of certain colors contrasting in stunning symphony, the candid glimpse of a mother's love, all have moved him to the point of moving his brush, but this...

His heart swells with a familiar-yet-foreign warmth - familiar in sensation, foreign in intensity.

He realizes he's in love.

"Ah," Yusuke says, taken by the epiphany.

"What's up?" Ryuji asks, slightly muffled by the popsicle stick caught between his teeth.

"Nothing. Just a thought."

It's a thought that stays with him throughout the entire day.

Love. An interesting concept, though one that somewhat eludes him. Through observation alone, Yusuke can't reliably differentiate between romantic and platonic relations. Aside from that, while love itself is generally agreed to be experienced universally, Yusuke can't say he's experienced it in any conventional capacity. It's true that the inspiring nature of 'Sayuri' is one he can now recognize as love, but that discovery is a rather recent one. He had thought of Madarame as a father figure, perhaps loved him as one, but if there ever was the barest hint of reciprocation - Yusuke would like to think so - it clearly was not enough. He's been the subject of romantic attention from the occasional intrepid stranger, but such fickle scrutiny shouldn't define his understanding of love.

Perhaps 'love' is too much of an abstraction. Then again, a concrete definition would be most likely be impossible to grasp. Yusuke should focus on what he knows. During some rather trite endeavor spearheaded by Ryuji, he wanders off in search of a beauty that elicits any measure of passion from him. By some stroke of serendipity, he finds echoes of the same emotion at a stand that sells lobsters. He's quite taken by the curve of a certain carapace, and he even finds wondrous parallelism in another beside it. Such an entrancing sight fills him with a certain measure of inspiration; surely this, too, is a kind of love. And yet, it is of a different nuance, one he can't quite articulate.

He buys the lobsters. An impulsive decision, but that must be another aspect of love. It's a bit harrowing, having to evade Futaba's insistent attempts at claiming his subjects of study for herself, but Yusuke manages to keep them safe.

Ryuji sighs, an obvious exasperation to the slope of his shoulders as he stares at the crustaceans still clutched in Yusuke's grasp. "You're really gonna keep them, huh."

"It was love at first sight," Yusuke asserts.

"If that's all it takes, you fall _way_ too easy."

"Perhaps," Yusuke admits. It's something he's still trying to figure out.

"What are you going to do with them?" Ryuji asks. A fair question; Yusuke's dorm is not much bigger than his former domicile, but there _is_ some free space he can perhaps finagle.

"I suppose I'll have to buy a tank," Yusuke muses, thinking of all the research he needs to do.

"Absolutely not," Makoto says with an air of finality. "Buying lobsters is one thing, but having to invest so much in caring for _probably_ classifies as an exotic pet? All the sales in the world won't help you if you keep spending irresponsibly! Come on Yusuke, we're returning them."

"What, no!" Futaba protests, heartbroken. "If we have it, we might as well have a lobster dinner! Come on, I'll buy 'em from Inari."

"You most certainly will not," Yusuke replies immediately.

"Would the lobster guy even take returns..?" Ann asks. In truth, it's a meaningless question; while the passion Yusuke feels is more of a light tug than a sharp stab, he is nevertheless determined.

The question also seems to be meaningless to Makoto, though for different reasons. "Oh, he will," she promises, wielding her resolve as an unsheathed dagger.

"I refuse to allow such perfect specimen to be brutalized," Yusuke insists, holding them protectively.

Makoto sighs. "We'll work it out."

In the end, she somehow manages to convince the vendor to set aside the lobsters as mascots. Yusuke contributes to her case by designing a logo based on their likeness, and gets back the money that he paid. After Makoto makes the argument for fair compensation and the price of intellectual property, Yusuke gets a little extra. Despite the loss, it's a good day.

 

* * *

  

"Wel- oh, it's just you," Sojiro says. From anyone else it would probably seem rude, but Sojiro has cultivated a soft malice that serves the purpose of affection; he somehow supersedes the inherent ambiguity in such dialogue. A paradoxical comfort. "Here for a cup of coffee? Or did you change your mind about the painting?"

"I do believe 'Sayuri' has made its home in your humble cafe," Yusuke responds, unbothered by the jest. He's certain Sojiro would be sad to part with the painting, despite the flippancy to his tone. "Regrettably, I'm not here for coffee - I'm here for Futaba."

"Oh?"

"We've plans to meet with Akira after school, along with our other friends at Shujin," Yusuke explains. "Seeing as they are already gathered by merit of their shared institution, I thought it best to accompany her."

"Huh." Sojiro rubs the back of his neck. "Well, she's not in the store right now, she's back at the house. She's been hyping herself up for something all day, actually. Guess this was it."

"Then, with your permission, I shall escort her to the accessway."

"Go for it. It's good for her to be out with you kids."

With that, Yusuke makes his way over to the Sakura residence. He barely moves to ring the bell before the door slams open.

"You didn't have to come!" Futaba yells, indignant. "I was on my way!"

Yusuke has his doubts. "Shall I leave, then?"

"No, don't! I mean," she amends, backpedaling with furious fervor, "while you're here, we should just go together! Right? Right. Let's go."

It seems now that she's framed it as her own idea, she’s more than willing to walk with Yusuke.

Despite Futaba's bold projection of purpose, she carries herself with a frantic sort of agitation. They make it all the way to the station before a careless passerby knocks into her. At that, she yelps, darting behind Yusuke and clutching his arm with a vice grip.

"Break! Break, I need a break," she says, and he guides her to as isolated a corner they can find. It takes Futaba a few minutes to get her breathing steady as she clutches her jacket taut around her, crouching low to the ground. When she's calm enough to express herself, she does so with a loud, sustained groan of frustration.

"Hey Inari, you have like, no tact," she starts, illustrating her own lack of it, "do you think I really have a place out here? With you guys?"

"Of course," Yusuke replies immediately. It's an answer that doesn't require much thought. "I recall Ryuji establishing that you were already a part of our group; we all feel the same."

"I'm supposed to be better than this," she insists, an argument with no discernible opponent, "and you guys _still_ send someone to babysit me. And I need it, too!" She groans again, leaning over her bent knees. "If you didn't come I'd probably still be in my room."

Yusuke crouches down next to her. From here it's harder to notice people's faces, lost in a forest of legs. "Struggle does not imply weakness," he says. "Quite the opposite, in fact. I was not sent by anyone, and I did not come to collect you out of pity. I came out of concern. You've had a difficult life, Futaba. Progress will be hard, but it's easier with support."

"Great. The friendship speech." Despite her acerbic tone, Futaba shuffles close, bumping her head against Yusuke's shoulder.

"I was at a loss, when I was saved," Yusuke admits. That gets her attention. She peers up, interested enough that she forgoes any clever comment. "For the others, being liberated from their abuse was an entirely positive experience. For me, such freedom was overwhelming. Living under oppression makes you long for its false security, especially when you live a rather sheltered existence. That's how it is able to endure. But even as I struggled with the ambivalence of recovery, as well as coming to terms with my own conflicting emotions, I found solace in my friends."

"Aw," Futaba coos, at some inscrutable nexus of sarcasm and sincerity.

"It's somewhat frightening, coming back to the world, especially when you never truly got the chance to enter it."

"Yeah," she says, quiet. "It is."

"I feel we are similar in this respect, as well as others," Yusuke continues. "We both have unique challenges with connecting to other people and making ourselves understood, ones that others do not face."

Futaba snorts derisively. "Not my problem if people can't keep up.”

"Nevertheless, if permissible, I would like to offer you the support that was offered to me."

"You know what," she says, after heavy deliberation. "Yeah. I'll adopt myself to you. Look out for me, 'kay?"

"Of course." With that, they stand up, and a thought occurs to Yusuke. "By the by- you have enough for the fare, yes?"

"Wow," she deadpans, "first test and you've already failed. Lucky for you, I already have a student pass!"

"Ah, you bought one?"

"Nope." She grins, obviously pleased with what was no doubt some highly skilled and dubiously legal antics. "But seriously, you really would've made little ol' me pay for my own fare? What kind of phantom thief are you?"

"I need enough fare to get myself home as well," Yusuke says. "Bringing about a change in heart doesn't necessarily bring change to our pockets."

"Ugh. That was terrible. I've lost all respect for you, Inari."

"I'm astonished you had any to begin with."

They make their way to the Ginza line, Futaba clearly in higher spirits despite the disgust written across her face. Yusuke's not worried. Beyond him, she has Akira's endless patience on her side; there's no doubt in Yusuke's mind she'll take full advantage of it and lead him on all manner of shenanigans. Not to mention Ann and Makoto's compassionate strength, each of them already showing commitment to Futaba's recovery and well-being. Morgana's verve and forward momentum will no doubt also steer her ahead, and of course, she has Ryuji. Ryuji, after all, is the kindest person Yusuke knows.

 

* * *

 

Ryuji is an utter imbecile. Not even by flying to another country can they escape the belligerent gravity of buffoonery that surrounds him.

"Hey," he sighs, despondent. "Do you think those girls would’ve given us a chance if they knew who we really were?"

"Had you compromised your own identity, as well as ours, it certainly is a possibility." Yusuke knows he's being disproportionately sour, but he's inclined to allow himself the time to sulk. It’s bad luck that neither Akira nor the other boy are here to provide distraction. "Aside from that, don't include me in such frivolous schemes."

"Alright, alright, sheesh." Ryuji rolls his eyes, clearly not taking the situation with due thought. There are times he is quite good at reading the emotions of his companions. This is not one of those times. "I mean, I guess you don't need me to be your wingman. Y'know, if you lose the hoodie, girls would probably be lining down the block for you."

"You are an utter imbecile." Ryuji squawks in affront, but Yusuke pays him no mind. "You shouldn’t look for such a shallow relationship. More than that, you shouldn’t accept such a shallow interest. Have some standards."

"Dude," Ryuji says, "what are you talking about?"

Yusuke lets out a heavy sigh. "Ryuji, you have a great deal of admirable qualities, though they can be obscured by your boorish behavior."

"Thanks."

"What I mean to say," Yusuke continues, "is that anyone who gains an interest in you is doing you a great disservice if their interest stems solely from your role as a phantom thief. You’re worth more than that, Ryuji."

"Uh, thanks?" Ryuji repeats, this time without the sardonic edge to his tone. "I think you're taking it way too seriously, though. I just want someone to have fun with. Y'know, fool around..?" At Yusuke's blank expression, he hems and haws, trying to find some way to convey his thoughts to Yusuke. "I want someone lookin' out for me," he decides.

"You have me," Yusuke says.

"That's not what I meant. Like - doesn't it sound nice?" Ryuji tries again. "Having someone to take care of you?"

"I have you."

Ryuji sighs in defeat. "Sometimes I just don't get what's going on in that head of yours," he says.

**Author's Note:**

> I hc Yusuke & Futaba as autistic so I wanted to take the time to get them right. anyway, none of the videos were loading for me so I might need to fact-check and update any silly mistakes like train line stuff, oop


End file.
